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I used to be awesome.

I used to take my trusty Canon 5D MarkIII out with me all over the place and capture my girls being who they are. The great thing about that is that they got so used to me taking pictures, they stopped posing. They just went about their business and pretty soon, I was just a fly on the wall. It has made for some great photographic moments. Like this one…

Look at her tiny little crying face so mad because she couldn’t have something. She doesn’t really do this anymore because she’s older. She’s 7 and not 2. She doesn’t make the same sounds. She doesn’t have the same cheeks. She doesn’t hang on my leg like she used to. And this one…

There’s still chubby in her hands. She was wearing my scarf on her head because she wanted long straight hair like me. Oh my gosh I miss these days. I can remember them because I took these pictures. It almost makes me lose my breath because, moms, how is it possible to miss it when all we wanted was for it to be gone? Is that not the most unfair and confusing feeling? To look back and miss what you only wanted to make it through alive? How? It’s a question I have for God because I cannot make sense of it.

In 2013, I stopped carrying my camera everywhere and started working everywhere. Isn’t it a cruel thing to do something for your kids at the expense of time with them? It’s turned out to be the right thing but as I was sifting through my old hard drives trying to organize them, I realize how much my creative eye has missed. I haven’t watched them though my lens and I see them the best though that tiny eye-piece. I see them as a beautiful piece of art, as a moment gone forever and not as a kid who’s whining and won’t be getting her way anytime soon. I see them as subjects and not my kids who must be “mommed.” I’m better with my face smashed into the back of my camera.

As I did more sorting, I decided now is the time to get back into it. To see them though my lens again and not just through the snap of my iPhone shutter button. It’s not the same, for me at least. God gave me the love of photography for a reason and I think it was to be able to give my kids the gift of their story before they were old enough to tell it.

So this weekend, I decided to do what I used to do and capture it. I used to call it “Our Weekend in Black and White” and that’s what it shall continue to be called. So here it is…

I challenge you to see your kids though your lens this weekend coming up. Just observe them and take pictures of what they do at this age. I’ll give you my black and white conversion tips this week so you’re fully prepared. It’s easy as pie. You’ll appreciate it in a couple of years when they’re 2 years older and 2 years closer to not being around to document.

Here’s to the hardest job I’ve ever had, Moms! This is just one step we can take in the name of doing the best we can.