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It’s So Much Better Than I Imagined

April 7, 2023

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When I was a little girl, I used to lay in my bed when I couldn’t sleep and think about the things in my life I couldn’t change, the things I felt trapped by, or had power over me.

As you can imagine, as a small child, there was a myriad of things in my life I had no control over.

Some of what I wished to be different were things like my bedtime, household rules, punishment, clothes I was forced to wear, ways I had to style and cut my hair, and what we were allowed to watch/listen to — average kid stuff. “When I am the adult, things will be different, just wait and see,” I’d say to myself in the dark.

But the one thing I wanted more than all of that was a close family where each member feels loved, important, wanted, and supported as they go through life. It really was as simple as that. “Wouldn’t that make the hard days so much easier? Wouldn’t that make me feel so good? I want a big love family when I’m the adult.”

There was a time in my 20s when I gave up the dream of having a family altogether, having lost faith in that kind of love in my life. If I couldn’t have a big love family, I didn’t want it.

But the truth about love finds a way to reveal itself to each of us. Love didn’t need to defend itself to me at ages 5, 8, 13, or 23, I just wasn’t ready yet.

Instead, love sent me Michael Moreno. And in his heart, I could feel the space where this kind of family could exist. That dream still had a heartbeat, and I had trained myself not to notice it.

Today I completed day 25 of the #WakeUp100 challenge with my 3 daughters. Each morning we meet down in the gym, and we lift heavy stuff together at 8:30 am.

And we are each showing up for different reasons.

Kennedy wants to get stronger for her chin-up pullover in gymnastics.

Teagan wants to get stronger for softball (she’s thinking about trying out for a high school team next year).

Boston wants to “get ripped” 💀

And I’m showing up so my girls feel loved, important, wanted, and supported, with the added bonus of being witness to my own physical and mental strength.

This is what I dreamed of as a girl. This is it. Just us, showing up for our lives, together.

It’s so much better than I imagined.

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