I’m generally an enthusiastic, joyful, happy person. My natural demeanor is filled with smiles and laughter. If you’ve watched my stories even a little bit, it won’t surprise you that my laughter with myself is the thing I get comments about the most.

I can’t help it. Even as a little girl, I was the same only then I didn’t know how else to be.

As an adult, I’m keenly aware of how to show up different. I’ve held in the laughter until I tasted my tears. I’ve pushed down the joy until anger came out.

Why did I decide to show up differently in the world in the first place?

I can’t really remember.

Right now, I’m showing up each day to ask this question of myself, and I go about my day open to the answers.

And the healing process is behind this really big question.

My pursuit of wholeness probably won’t look like you think it should. That’s okay.

I probably won’t knock on the doors you would as I pursue the truth in my life. All good.

I might try techniques you have no desire to. That makes sense.

I may not be the person you believed I was on the other side of this year. I was never that girl anyway, so nothing is lost.

This week on Wake Up (the podcast), I ask you to just come along for the ride as a witness of the return to myself.

I ask that you not try to get me to do it your way.

I ask that you love me even when I make choices you would not.

I ask that as I open up and talk honestly about my experience, you resist the temptation to compare.

Because maybe, just maybe, if I’m open to talking about it, you’ll be open to asking the same big question of yourself.

Maybe, just maybe, if I’m willing to struggle (but not die) through this process publicly, you’ll be willing to take the first step, too.

I’m betting on me, and I’m betting on you. I’m betting on this community of mostly women.

I’m betting we will be better and do more together when we show up authentically over perfectly.

And that’s a community that’s awake. That’s a community that embodies diversity of spirit. That’s a community that leads with love. That’s a community that holds space for others to take their first, messy, complicated step.

Mark me “present” for that. ✅