Yesterday was one of those days. The one where you just want to throw in the towel. The day all of the work and intentions and negativity shows up at the door and demands to be paid in their currency known as attention. On days like that, you can’t escape the sadness and the curiosity gets the best of you.
Why am I doing this?
Why am I working so hard for this?
Why am I spinning my wheels?
Then you find yourself saying the one sentence you have been avoiding: THIS DOESN’T MAKE ME HAPPY. I’m not alone. I see women on the life treadmill everyday and while my treadmill is work, I see it in stay-at-home mom’s all the time because that was me.
I see you. Never sitting down. Jumping in the car for this or that. Running out to help the kids. Running around to organize for the next day. Constantly putting something away. Saying “yes.” Finishing this. Starting that. Thinking. Constantly thinking. What’s next? How late are we? I forgot this. I have to be here and there at the same time. What’s for dinner? How will I still be awake at the end of the night for that?
I. See. You.
You’ve put aside the little things you love for the household, the family, the clean house, the charade that your family has it all together. Let’s be honest, ain’t nobody got it all together. That’s true no matter how many perfect Instagram photos of perfectly packed lunches (in shapes and with all food groups accounted for) or freshly-bathed children sleeping soundly at 7:30pm or spotless kitchens in the background you scroll through every day. Those are lies. Yea, I said it. If that’s you and you want to email me with pictures to prove it, I’ll save you the time–you’re better than me, I get it. For the rest of us that don’t live in Stepford, it’s time to own the mess. I sure will celebrate with a picture when sleeping kids at 7:30 happens to me but it’s still strangely absent from my feed…hmmm.
Let’s get back to you. I need to get back to me.
The things I let go of? Photography, scrapbooking and reading something besides business books. I’m no longer a professional in photography or scrapbooking (that was a past life) but that doesn’t mean I don’t still love it passionately. I miss it. My real life and my profession as a leader have overtaken my time dedicated to these two things because I haven’t made me a priority.
Recently, I picked up my big girl camera for a couple of occasions and it felt so good…like riding a bike. I’ll post more pictures of both of the things I photographed in other posts but I want to make a couple of recommendations to you based on what I remember as I sat down in my familiar seat at the computer to start on my favorite part of the photo process: editing. Loud music, pen in my hand, hot drink sitting on my desk. It’s so zen. It’s so…me.
Here’s what I think:
#1. If you don’t make time for the things you love, they sure won’t make time for you. Your kids will eat it up. The person in your life will eat it up. Your friends. Your co-workers. Your job. Your obligations. Your everything will eat up your time unless you don’t let it. It’s up to you to carve out the time without the guilt that surrounds that kind of activity. I know you have kids, responsibilities, jobs, commitments, things to do for others, a kitchen to scrub down. I know. Me, too. Spoiler alert: those things will all be there in an hour or two. As women, I don’t think we make enough time to do the things we love and I want to change that. We need to take back the us we were before we said too much yes. It’s our fault, guys. We did this to ourselves and we have the power to get ourselves out.
#2. I recently saw Jessica N. Turner speak about her book The Fringe Hours at a business event I put on in Scottsdale, Arizona. Why would I bring someone to talk about not working at a work event? Because it’s integral to sustained, high-quality work. Jessica talks to women about making time for the things we love. Something that we let go of so easily and yet can make such a big difference in our happiness. We have to do it. Read this book. It should be on every woman’s must-read list.
So, let’s do this, yea? Read the book. Pick up what you miss the most. Find something for you.
Always keeping it real!! I. See. You. Too!! Feeling what you’re feeling today as well. I miss ME!
Thank you. As always. Thank you.
I love you and your honesty. I love family gatherings I shall quit waiting for them to happen and start creating them to happen. Have a great day Lindsay you are a rockstar even the days you don’t have it together, that’s what makes you even more of a rockstar!!! You are human
Speaking right to my heart, Lindsay! I’ve been in the process of taking some of my time and my focus back for me and it is the best thing I could ever do for me and my daughter … especially being a mother to little girl who is driven and caring and will very likely feel inclined to give all of herself to people she loves. I. See. You.
I fully resonate with this. I’ve been picking up a few things I’d previously put down or deemed frivolous. And I’m happier for it. Even though it shone a very bright light on the emptiness that was created by putting those things aside and that was kind of hard to face. How did I let it get here? Time to rebuild and refill and get back to being.
I see YOU, friend! Your honesty is a beautiful thing!
Thank you thank you thank you. Comparison to others is an immediate joy-thief as is not taking time for me. We are all doing the dang best we can. Challenging myself to do something as loving for myself as I do for my kids this week.
I love your honesty. Too many women compete for the illusion of a perfect family. But by doing this, every woman misses out on the importance of life and love.
I so needed to read this today. Thank you for being you. I definitely see you. And appreciate you. Xoxo
Hey #ladyboss this was a really good blog. I try to do this, but sometimes forget. Thank you for the reminder today. Have a blessed day!
“What is being a LD?”
-“Being the BEST version of yourself.” – LTM
Lindsay – You belong.
This book just jumped to my list at the top. It isn’t just for stay at home mommies, I think it will b for everyone. I’m retired with grown kids, and still haven’t learned to say NO.
I.SEE.YOU. Also. Lindsay, you are an inspiration, you are amazing, you are kind, you are generous, determined. The list goes on. It does me good to hear you say that you are human just like the rest of us.
Make time for you~you deserve it and have earned it!
The negative people are jealous and unhappy in there world and I think it breaks them to see others succeed!
Carry On Warrier!
Lindsay you are such an inspiration. I’m still in the phase of my business that I have my 9-5 to pay the bills and I work late into the night to do my business and take care of my home. I often get behind in housework and ashamed of what people must think of me. Well guess what? You are so right! I am a mother of 4 beautiful boys, a wife of an amazingly wonderful loving husband, a hard worker for someone else’s business, and the proprietor of my own business. I have to give myself more credit. I.SEE.YOU. Lindsay! You are changing lives and prospectives!!!!! Rock on!
I am so glad that another woman is REAL! I am in the same rut. Missing what I love to do the most…like you, photography, scrapbooking, and my graphic design (I have a degree in GD, there was a reason why I have it. I love designing) l lost myself some where a long the way and it’s sad. Time to take back my life and be what makes “ME”. I am not just a mother or a wife. I have other loves too! Thanks for sharing your side and being REAL. It sometimes gets lonely out in this fast paced world we live in.
It really isn’t 1:48 am it’s 9:49 pm on the 19th EST????
funny you mention that you don’t scrapbook any more. I actually started following you a couple years ago on Instagram BECAUSE of project life. I didn’t become a lemon dropper until just this past May. I hope you make time for it again because you definitely have a talent for it. I don’t do it as often anymore either but twice a year I go with my girlfriends and scrapbook. ????
Of all the books on the reading list and my want to read list, this one has become my MUST read! Thank you for all you share and for all your encouragement.
SO important to brush aside the guilt that tells us we’re selfish when we make time for fun.
Yesterday I took the day off minus a few emails. I played hooky. I drove South into the Mountains and spent three hours shopping in a Victorian boutique..something I’ve never done. My motto: mommies like to play dress up too! Then I took myself to dinner and a movie. It was just what I needed!!
If you don’t take care of yourself and take time to smell the camp fire this Fall you’ll be one over done burnt out crispy cookie this Christmas.
I see you. And you rock. Now go create!!! That’s what God made you for beautiful!
I clicked the link to this post and then was looking at my husband, talking to him about how I am (and I quote) “Spinning my wheels” and “not on fire” at my reliable, safe 9-5 job and wondering if I’m supposed to throw “safe” out the window and REALLY grab life by the horns. I wasn’t so much asking questions, and he was just listening…and he went to bed…and I look down and read this post. I feel like God has been whispering to me, and when I’m mindful, I hear it. Then I get mindLESS again with the day in and day out activities and I need a brick thrown at me! This was a brick…very obviously. I need to quiet my mind and feel what calls me. I think I know…I just don’t see a clear start to finish and that is not like me to pursue something like that. If for no other reason, I am thankful for the community of women that YL has brought into my life. THANK YOU for sharing your thoughts with us.
Lindsay!
You’re such a rockstar 🙂 I’m a little late in checking out your blog… have been an LD for almost 2 years now and have loved it from the start! It’s so refreshing to read your story and relate with your good/bad times. This particular post grabbed my heart strings. Thank you for the reminder to take care of ME as well as my family. Lately I feel that I’ve lost who I am and slowly working on getting it back. 4 kids (5 if we’re counting husbands) feels like 2 full time jobs not counting my day one.
Also, I really want to create my own blog and just need to find the time–which is there right? I just need to stop stressing about the little things!! 😀
Love the blog!
Crys